Homeschooling to Style Coaching: How Monika Nielsen Became the Closet Therapist for Women in Midlife | #190

Second Act Success Career Podcast
Season 1 - Homeschooling to Style Coaching: How Monika Nielsen Became the Closet Therapist for Women in Midlife | #190
Episode - #190
Host: Shannon Russell
Guest: Monika Nielsen
Transcription (*created by Descript and may not be perfectly accurate)
Shannon Russell: [00:00:00] Have you ever stood inside your closet staring at the clothes, not having a clue about what to wear? My guest today is Monika Nielsen.
Monika worked as a stay at home mom, homeschooling her kids for over 20 years.
As her kids got older, she decided to get to work. She launched a business as your closet therapist. She has helped hundreds of women clear their closet and discover or rediscover their style at this point in their life. I'm excited to introduce you to Monika Nielsen so she can explain how she evolved over her career and launch this business, and how she can help you figure out what to do with all of those clothes that you just no longer wear.
Let's get to it. This is Monika and her Second Act Success story.
Are you ready to quit your nine to five job and start a business of your own? Well, you're in the right place, my friend. Welcome to the second Act Success Career podcast. I am your host Shannon Russell. [00:01:00] I am a former television producer, turned business owner, career transition coach, and boy mom. My mission is to help you produce your best life.
This podcast will teach you how to get from where you are now to where you want to be, and how to build a business that fits your life and lights you up. Let's get started.
Shannon Russell: Monika Nielsen, welcome to Second Act Success. Thank you. This is so fun. We met through Jan Ditchfield, who is incredible, incredible coach for us.
And your story just really stood out to me and I was like, we need to chat. So why don't we start from the beginning? Tell me where your career began. Who? , well, I love that. I love what you do and I love the people that you interview and I love hearing everybody's second act. , I have been calling this my Monika 2.
Monika Nielsen: 0 era for a couple of years. We. We're a homeschooling family, and so we homeschooled for 22 years. So because our [00:02:00] kids are so spread apart, it sounds much worse than it is. We don't have 12 children. We have three. But you know, it really was like, that's where we were and that's what we invested in.
And so I had, you know, I worked for some nonprofits and I had some little side gigs just to, to get me out of the house. Because that can be a very overwhelming. Lifestyle and I've got an incredibly supportive husband who was always like go get out get out But now that our youngest who is who is now 12 who is now gone into school full time I realized I I actually have five days to myself Like what what do I want that to look like and I've been working my business for the last five years with two days Two days a week, and I was killing it.
I had really strong boundaries, and got a ton done. And now I'm finding myself even more in this 2. 0 era of, Ooh, how, how does this work? Like, a whole week? And I get to decide? It's very exciting, so so it's my 2. 5, I think. [00:03:00] Now it's my 2. 5 era. You know, I think a lot of us who stay home kind of look a little to the future and say, what do we get to do when I grow up?
What does my fifties look like? My sixties look like when I really get to be able to choose time to myself? And I thought, you know, I've been doing this often on my whole life. For friends and friends and friends and, and I thought, let's be a big girl and, and really do this and pay taxes and have a business and, and really take this seriously because I so believe in what I do.
I thought, well, it's just time to kick it up a notch. So I like it a lot and I want to make sure we say like homeschooling kids is a full time job. That is so much. I looked into doing that in the past for a little bit and it lasted like two days with my kids. But I have friends who homeschool too and I know that it is so much planning and so much time and then you're also making sure that you cover All the activities outside of the house.
Shannon Russell: And so I applaud you for doing that for so, so long. And, and then I can't [00:04:00] imagine what it felt like when you said, Ooh, I really do have this time to myself. Like, what was your first thought about what you would do if you did want to start a business? What was your first thought about what you could do for you?
Monika Nielsen: Well, before. Our surprise before our 3rd Lauren was 8 and we were in a ton of health challenges and, and it was really frustrated by the fact that everything outside of the boundaries just costs. A million dollars. I mean, let's just face it, right? Any sort of alternative pathways to health.
And I thought, what happens to the people that, that can't afford this, that are really, really sick? So, there were a couple of years I thought, you know what? I'm going to go back to school. And I'm going to go into nutrition and I'm going to figure out this functional medicine thing. It was more ministry minded than business minded for sure.
And then we were surprised with Ian. And. And we said, okay, well, we've just signed on for a whole nother generation of Children [00:05:00] and so that just went to the back burner. And then, and then I kind of had this crisis of I've always been an insanely good shopper. I'm very efficient. I can look, I can stand at the front of a store and I can just glance and know.
If we're in or we're out so my friends have always dragged me shopping with these quests like oh, can we do this? Can we do this and I need something that makes me feel like this or I have to show up like that So I I know firsthand the power of clothing and how we can have it do the heavy lifting You know, especially when we're not feeling it when we're a little bit sick.
We're like, what can I wear today? To show up in the way that I need to show up and make the impact that I need to. So I always knew that that was really important. And then I hit this like 40s health situation and it just. And then I had this breakdown of sitting in my closet surrounded by beautiful things that I couldn't wear.
And it was never about the clothes, it was always about [00:06:00] me. Like we always turn it on ourselves. I've yet to meet a woman that holds that motivation jean, right? That pair of jeans from 15 pounds ago and says, this is motivating me to do it. We always turn it back and say, why didn't I get to the gym? Why did I have cocktails with my friends last night?
Always our fault. And as I'm having this crisis. This breakdown. I thought it is just a piece of cloth. Like what am I doing? I know better than this and that's when I knew that there was that deeper level and that's when I knew being the closet therapist was was really going to make huge impacts because we're really going to pull apart this this self image and like all of this gunk that we've layered on and Realize it's just a piece.
Monika Nielsen: It's just a piece of cloth. Let's use it for good and and that I think was where I said, you know what this is where I can help people one person at a time or when I'm speaking 20 people at a time [00:07:00] just to release some of that guilt to give permission to evolve and it's all going to be okay.
Speaker 3: It's just a piece of cloth like that is a mindset shift that we all need to take with us into our closets because especially in midlife when we get to this point where we had all these beautiful clothes in our twenties and now we're like, well, I don't really need to wear them or they don't fit.
And what, how does that reflect upon me? That's so interesting. And so you created this business as a style closet coach, closet therapist, were you your first client? Did you work on your closet and yourself first? Or how did you go out and say, I can help someone else with this?
Where did it really begin?
Monika Nielsen: Well, it was that breakdown. And then I felt immediately, I looked at all the people I'd helped in my thirties, just organize and shop and like, Oh I'm glad we were on the same page, because I was a little bit [00:08:00] gruffer, a little bit rougher, and you know, it was, it was a little bit more slash and burn, like, get it out, get it out, get it out, and, and now being 54, and, and realizing, I love wisdom, I love, I love my 50s, I'm, I just need everybody to know that your 50s are amazing you're so much smarter, and so much kinder, and so much more compassionate.
But you know, it, it is really peeling apart this my clients stand in the closet every morning and look at clothes for life. They don't live or a body they might not be happy with. And that could be both sides. Lovely client I had had gorgeous clothes Left, you know white to dark everything in bins, it was folded beautifully and she still hated getting dressed every morning because she kept looking for all these clothes and saying, I've got two toddlers under five and I don't have anything to go to the park and get grubby hands and peanut butter hands all over me.
, she's like, I still want to be this girl that, you know, goes to the office and does the brunches [00:09:00] and things like that. And so there's a grieving that happens with that when your life. drastically changes. So it could be that side or it could be, you know, the, the fit or again, that motivation that we talked about or, or simply figuring out a lot of the guilt comes to from people who shop too much because shopping is like anything else.
And I admit it, we went through a revenge shopping phase in our marriage. Every time I would get mad and my husband and I would, you know, bicker about something, I'd go to the mall. Because it's a quick dopamine hit, you buy something pretty, and then you're left with A closet full of clothes for a life that you don't live and then now you've got guilt on top of that.
Like women, we're so good at guilt and I don't understand why, but I do know how to pull it apart so we can look at it objectively.
Speaker 3: So if someone hires you, then you go and you realize where they're hurting or what they need and then you go through and what do you do? I'm just curious because [00:10:00] I have a closet full of clothes and high heels and beautiful things from my TV life.
that I don't wear anymore, but I don't want to part with, do you go in and say, you know what, you can keep some and get rid of the others and donate them. How do you really work? If I were to hire you to come into my closet, how does it roll?
Monika Nielsen: Well, first I have a workbook. And you are going to go through that.
There's some homework for you to do. We're going to look at a time audit. That's where a lot of people really realize, wait, 40 percent of my time is really over here and I've got nothing to represent that. I don't believe in getting rid of memories. I don't think that your cherished items are not clutter.
Your favorite college sweatshirt is your favorite for a reason. And I would never ever tell you to throw it away. I think the minimalist. Last 10 years have really bulldozed a lot of women and I believe that we should cherish that, you know 1987 Duran Duran concert t shirt. Yes But we need to pull it out of your space and we need to fold it up [00:11:00] pretty and we need to put it up High so that every time you see you can smile But you're not tripping over it Because Shannon at the end of the day when we're standing there in the most naked like vulnerable space in our closet and we're digging and we say no no, no, no, no, no, no, so We started here.
No, no, no, no, no. And now we're all the way down at the bottom and it takes so much effort to get back to the top or get back to zero, let alone be in a space where we get to show up. So that's what we're working with. Like, let's stop saying no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's be strategic and say, you know what? Do some of those things that represented your TV life.
Can we pull them in to the life you live now? Can we separate them out? Can we, can we do that like super cute blazer with, you know, jeans and sneakers? If that's your style. You know, let's, let's start pulling these apart and realizing that you get to show up in different ways of your life and it's okay to be the best dressed person in the room.
But honestly, [00:12:00] I make no decisions. You sit and I present everything to you in your closet, and you're deciding, based on the homework that you've done, what's the most important to you. So if there's a next goal, I'm not your boss, I'm not your mom, I'm not your trainer.
If there's a next goal, that's amazing. We're going to put it underneath the bed or down the hall or in a bin, because again, you can't keep looking at things that you can't wear and have it not affect you. So we pull that out. And now all of a sudden you've got a little bit more room to breathe. And then you can look at things a little more objectively and say, you know what, that actually would look good.
Okay, let's start playing geranimals. Let's start saying this can go with this and this and this and this. So then we get to have more fun with style and really give you permission to show up in all the different ways that you need to in the world. Just a simple question.
And you're like, well, it's just a. First tier just in case because I do like that. I do like a good first tier just in case this is like a Third or fourth tier just in case that means we're never going to wear it. Right? Guess [00:13:00] what? There are local organizations in your community that will do huge things with your donations So we can give it to dress for success and they can impact another woman getting into the workforce So I'll take those with me and donate on your behalf and then just send you the receipts So then everybody wins you get it out of your space.
It literally changes the life of someone in your community at either free or very low cost. And You know, there's no wastefulness. I mean, it literally is a win win situation
Speaker 3: for everyone. Like really just, I can imagine your clients feeling just so free and lifted and maybe more clear or more excited for tomorrow to pick out what they're going to wear, even if it is just going to the park or in line for school pickup, right?
It's just feeling better about themselves. And you must feel so good knowing that you helped. And then you also helped them donate to someone in the community that can utilize those items [00:14:00] for their own success.
Monika Nielsen: Exactly. That, it's a non negotiable. There are small local places, if someone's hearing this and they never ever connect with me, I beg of you just to Google the organizations that are in your town.
Think of it, not as an errand, because I know big box donations are on every corner. This is not an errand, this is, this is a giving opportunity. And you might have to drive another 15 minutes, but it really is being able to hand your things and know that it makes an impact for someone else. And there's so many places that do it.
And I just, I would encourage. Anyone to look it up or shoot me a message and I'll do, I'll do the looking up all I'll go and Google it for you and figure out the best places, but it's just, it's this beautiful transfer of blessings like what was once your best things can be somebody else's or those shopping mistakes that we make.
When we swipe, when we add, when we thought it looked cute on her, but it doesn't look good [00:15:00] on us. When we maybe had a couple of cocktails and went to that cute shop and bought that jacket that was too expensive. You know, those things just are so heavy.
Yeah. And, and they really could be used for good. So,
Speaker 3: I love that so much. And can you help women, not only in your area, but across the country as well? Like, how do you work in person, virtual?
Monika Nielsen: Yes, both. In person is obviously, you know, the biggest bang for your buck because we can get things done in the next, in two to four hours.
The biggest volume closets. I very rarely go to a six hours, but I do have a way to work virtually. I can work via zoom. I also have for those who want to roll up their sleeves and really dig into some of the mindset behind it. I have a DIY series and that is amazing because we have closet personalities.
Monika Nielsen: I've realized, and I have a quiz where you can have one of four of these closet personalities and it's through that lens that you shop the way you [00:16:00] shop, purge the way you purge, and we really dig in and instead of just grabbing this Random list off the internet and then going through your closet and following the list and then you wonder why you're in the same place in six months.
We figure out, are you a frustrated seeker? Are you always looking for the next thing to make it all better? Are you an overwhelmed accumulator? Do you keep it all for that just in case? There's a style evolver. I think that's a huge one that people miss is, again, the guilt. Shannon, I don't understand, but we, we will evolve in all these areas of our life and, and our closet is the last one.
Because we find it wasteful. Well, it still fits, or it still works. But it just doesn't feel like us. We've, we've grown in all these areas. And it's like putting today us in five years ago clothes. Sometimes there's a disconnect. It just doesn't feel like us anymore. So. This five week series will, will help you in all of it through the lens of your closet [00:17:00] personality, and then I'm available, you know, to chat and kind of walk you through some things, but it's, it's rich, it's meaty, it's deep, and it is for the people who say, you know what, today's the day.
I'm going to get this sorted out.
Speaker 3: Well, a lot of my listeners. Maybe listening now saying, you know what, my past career, my first act doesn't fit up with my second act like mine and probably like yours being a homeschool mom. And now you're out and about as this business woman. And what do I do with those clothes?
And now you're giving them a solution. What do you want to keep? What do you want to donate to dress for success or any other valuable organization? And do you suggest that for someone who's thinking about changing careers to really also not only look about, look at what they want to do, but at their closet and how they want to show up in this new act of theirs.
It really is like you're changing your personality in a sense when you take on this second act role.
Monika Nielsen: It is, and how [00:18:00] exciting.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Monika Nielsen: Like, what a time to be alive, right? You get to, you get to kind of reinvent yourself a little bit. I think that there's a, a tension between our second acts of being really, really scared.
Right. To jump into something new and really, really exciting. And, and we can do that with our wardrobe as well. We can be a little bit nervous. I just had a client yesterday. She said, if I got rid of everything, I'd have like six pieces left. I'm like, well, maybe not. And we went through everything and honestly, she probably only needs three or four pieces to complete her wardrobe.
It was just the more you say no, the more you say, forget it. Yeah. I have nothing. I want to get rid of it all. But in the work we do together or in that five week series, you're really going to dig down into why don't I like this? Is this a cut, a color, a shape, a fabric, whatever it is. And then you're going to think.
Oh, now I know not to buy it again. So we become much better shoppers, saving you a ton of [00:19:00] money, and the waste of just the whole environmental issue with, with the textile industry. But you get to start curating a wardrobe for the person you want to be. It's exciting because when we're little, it's usually dictated by our parents.
And then, you know, when we're kind of younger or married, it's dictated by, you know, income and circumstances. But we just aren't ever able to develop the skill to figure out how to curate something just for us. And I find in second acts, and I'm sure you do too, talking to people all the time is this freedom of.
Who do I want to be and how do I want to show up in the world? This is so exciting.
Speaker 3: It is exciting, it's not about when you start a second act actually getting rid of your entire wardrobe. It really can be about Saying what am I going to wear? And making it smaller and more complete like you said getting those extra couple pieces to really complete that wardrobe because when you're younger You're buying things for weddings and this and that and this job interview in that [00:20:00] job interview and now you're a little bit more settled in your second act or in midlife and you can say I don't need all of that.
I need something for weekends, weekdays, the occasional, you know, night out. And maybe you just pare everything down and make it really intentional.
Monika Nielsen: Or if you're a shopper and a lover of fashion, like I could never handle a capsule wardrobe because I like color and I like pattern and I like little fun details.
And but just giving yourself permission to say, okay, I need to show up to speak and I need to look this way. Because I understand the psychology of image and how people perceive you. But I'm also going to look this way when I go out on a date with my husband, I'm going to be a little sexy. I'm going to be a little flirty.
I'm going to be this. I'm going to show up this way when I'm out with my girlfriends and I'm going to show up this way when I'm lounging around, you know I think the last three or four clients I've had, it's funny, they don't have this wardrobe for like just this. Part of life that we live where like, [00:21:00] well, I have to garden and I have, you know, I'm washing the car and I'm doing, you know, or it's been freezing for eight days straight and I haven't left the house, you know, we've forgotten this because we've gone off that general list on the internet and we've, we've just chucked it all because it doesn't spark joy, which I didn't mean to sound so sarcastic, but you know, like there's a life we live that is just like, I just, I need my big grandpa cozy sweater, and I know it's ratty, and I'm going to wear it because it makes me feel good.
Yes. Right? So, all these different parts of us, we get to show up differently. Some people do work really well within boundaries, and so we try to be as intentional as we can, but I'm also not here to change, like, who you are at your core, and if you're creative and fun and want to do all of these different things, let's still be intentional.
Because I do have a very strong frugal streak inside of me. But, but we can also do a lot of crisscross applesauce as we [00:22:00] used to say with our kids, right? We can go a little over here and a little over here and we can really create something that's beautiful.
Speaker 3: What a business you've created.
It just sounds so fun. How does it compare to all of those years you spent homeschooling? Did you ever think that one day you would create your own business?
Monika Nielsen: No, not at all. Like I said, I've done this for most of my life just for friends or family or neighbors. And I mean, quite frankly, I thought who, who would, who would hire me?
Who would, you know, do people do that? Is this a thing? And then you, you know, you Google it and guess what? It is a thing. And, and it's not just for when, I think 15, 20 years ago, people would hear personal stylist and you're like, Oh, to the stars or, you know, to this level of income that maybe I'm not a part of, but really what it is, is you will save so much time and money.
And wastefulness, which I think we all have in the back of our head about getting rid of things. You will save it [00:23:00] all by just getting the clarity you need to curate this wardrobe that you love. And so suddenly it becomes not this outrageous expense, it's just a really small investment for you to be able to show up in all the ways that you need to.
But I was a little around the horn, but to answer your question, no, I never thought that I would do that. And I struggled the first year because I just wanted to bring you coffee and sit on your closet floor. And like, we could just sit and talk about, you know, what was frustrating you the most. And now, you know, I have to figure out taxes and oh my gosh, social media sham was a joke.
I had never been on Instagram before in my life until 2020. And I'm holding up the phone going. I'm asking a friend. What button do you push to do away?
Speaker 3: It's all that administrative part of being a small business owner that just really drags you down. Sometimes
Monika Nielsen: it does. It really doesn't.
I have been telling my kids we do hard things for 22 [00:24:00] years, right? You don't like Latin? I hear you. We do hard things. We do hard things. Now it's time for me to listen to myself. Guess what? I can put on my big girl pants and we do hard things.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
And then
Monika Nielsen: really, it's not that hard.
Speaker 3: No, and then you're proud of yourself, starting over is, is a huge step and then a huge accomplishment on top of it. And I'd love as we wrap up to ask you, so you started a second act and it's successful and you seem just so happy and joyful.
What would your advice be to someone who's listening to this and they're thinking about taking that leap into a second act themselves?
Monika Nielsen: This is my favorite question that you ask of your guests. I loved hearing all the answers. I think the best advice that was given to me, and I have said it ever since, is do it often, do it messy, just do it.
And this was around, you know, marketing and things like that, you know, you're so scared to do something new just, just do it messy and do it often. And then it'd be easy, you know, with our kids again, I pull back from these [00:25:00] two decades of how did we parent, you know, give, give really wide guardrails so you can bounce around and get hurt.
And you're still sort of. under the protection of, of your family and your home. So why am I so afraid to go out and bounce around and make mistakes? Nobody cares, you know, nobody's paying attention. I was just counseling a gal that I had met and she was brand new. I said, just make 10 really awful posts because People very rarely scroll and if they're deep diving, then they already love you and then it becomes endearing.
That's great advice. Yes. So every day for 10 days, just put something out there. Just put it out, put it out, put it out. And then all of a sudden you'll get better and you'll figure it out. And just failure is not really as big of a deal as we think. I think that it is,
Speaker 3: especially at this part in our lives, I think, you know, we've been through the hard stuff, we've done it [00:26:00] all, so now we can look at it like, let's just take that leap, and we'll get through it, and if it's a little uncomfortable, all the better, we'll have accomplished it, and we'll have completed that challenge, and No harm, no foul.
Monika Nielsen: Well, and find someone that you can call. That, I think, would be my second advice. Find a person. Find your people, for sure. But find a person. I think this was huge when we first started homeschooling because you had 155 million questions and you thought you were going to screw up your kid and you were scared to death and you had someone have you heard that expression when you walk through a minefield and follow someone?
I read that in a book like 20 years ago and I thought that's brilliant. So I found a person and I just would call her and she was lovely and she became our mentor for years because they were just that much ahead of us. And every time I would get wrapped around the axle, I would call her and you know, she would say, go outside and play like, no, this is really hard.
This is a character. She's like. [00:27:00] Oh my gosh, go outside and play. And I've realized in business when I get all wrapped around the axle, I'm like, I either, luckily it's such an ingrained habit, but if, if I need to call someone, I will. And they can tell me this is not that deep. Calm down, or just go outside and play.
Speaker 3: Go outside and play, yes.
Monika Nielsen: It solves pretty much all the world's problems.
Speaker 3: I think that is the best advice I think we've ever heard on this show because I think you're right. It's, I always say like just close the laptop and walk away, but I love that. Go outside and play. Then your mind will start thinking about something else, the issues, the feelings, the fear just goes away and you realize that it's not a big deal.
Monika Nielsen: there's very little that, that is a big deal. And if it is, then it is, right? Then we draw those lessons and we move on and it stings maybe a little bit, but if we erased all of our mistakes, like we wouldn't, we wouldn't be here if we wouldn't be who we are. So. [00:28:00] I don't know. Easier said than done.
I think I'm on the other side of some mistakes, so it's a little bit easier to look back, but it's, it does. Just go outside and play.
Speaker 3: Go outside and play. Ah, Monika, I love this and I love this conversation. If my listeners want to connect with you, which I'm sure they will, where are all the places?
Monika Nielsen: I play mostly on Instagram,
that's @styleclosetcoach. And then a little bit on LinkedIn, but really every, most of my content is there. There's the link to my quiz. So if you want to find your closet personality quiz and then of course website is styleclosetcoach. com as well. So, yep, it's pretty easy to find me.
My DMs are always open. I get all kinds of fun questions like, what do I do with these pants? To, what do you think of these shoe holders? To, I can't take it anymore, you know, what's next?
Speaker 3: Fantastic. I love your Instagram. I really think you have some great content on there and I'll link to the quiz. I'll link to everything in the show [00:29:00] notes so everyone can easily find you and connect.
And thank you so much for being here and sharing your story. It's been so lovely to chat with you.
Monika Nielsen: Oh, what a gift. Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to do this. And I love your podcast. I love hearing all of the different people and where they come from. It's just the stories, right? That you can see yourself in different things.
And then of course, the advice you give is just chef's kiss. Brilliant. So thank you for having me.
Thank you, Monika, so much.
Thank you for joining us. I hope you found some gems of inspiration and some takeaways to help you on your path to second act, success. To view show notes from this episode, visit second act success.co. Before you go, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss a single episode. Reviews only take a few moments and they really do mean so much.
Thank you again for listening. I'm Shannon Russell. And this is second act [00:30:00] success.

Second Act Success Career Podcast
Season 1 - Homeschooling to Style Coaching: How Monika Nielsen Became the Closet Therapist for Women in Midlife | #190
Episode - #190
Host: Shannon Russell
Guest: Monika Nielsen
Transcription (*created by Descript and may not be perfectly accurate)
Shannon Russell: [00:00:00] Have you ever stood inside your closet staring at the clothes, not having a clue about what to wear? My guest today is Monika Nielsen.
Monika worked as a stay at home mom, homeschooling her kids for over 20 years.
As her kids got older, she decided to get to work. She launched a business as your closet therapist. She has helped hundreds of women clear their closet and discover or rediscover their style at this point in their life. I'm excited to introduce you to Monika Nielsen so she can explain how she evolved over her career and launch this business, and how she can help you figure out what to do with all of those clothes that you just no longer wear.
Let's get to it. This is Monika and her Second Act Success story.
Are you ready to quit your nine to five job and start a business of your own? Well, you're in the right place, my friend. Welcome to the second Act Success Career podcast. I am your host Shannon Russell. [00:01:00] I am a former television producer, turned business owner, career transition coach, and boy mom. My mission is to help you produce your best life.
This podcast will teach you how to get from where you are now to where you want to be, and how to build a business that fits your life and lights you up. Let's get started.
Shannon Russell: Monika Nielsen, welcome to Second Act Success. Thank you. This is so fun. We met through Jan Ditchfield, who is incredible, incredible coach for us.
And your story just really stood out to me and I was like, we need to chat. So why don't we start from the beginning? Tell me where your career began. Who? , well, I love that. I love what you do and I love the people that you interview and I love hearing everybody's second act. , I have been calling this my Monika 2.
Monika Nielsen: 0 era for a couple of years. We. We're a homeschooling family, and so we homeschooled for 22 years. So because our [00:02:00] kids are so spread apart, it sounds much worse than it is. We don't have 12 children. We have three. But you know, it really was like, that's where we were and that's what we invested in.
And so I had, you know, I worked for some nonprofits and I had some little side gigs just to, to get me out of the house. Because that can be a very overwhelming. Lifestyle and I've got an incredibly supportive husband who was always like go get out get out But now that our youngest who is who is now 12 who is now gone into school full time I realized I I actually have five days to myself Like what what do I want that to look like and I've been working my business for the last five years with two days Two days a week, and I was killing it.
I had really strong boundaries, and got a ton done. And now I'm finding myself even more in this 2. 0 era of, Ooh, how, how does this work? Like, a whole week? And I get to decide? It's very exciting, so so it's my 2. 5, I think. [00:03:00] Now it's my 2. 5 era. You know, I think a lot of us who stay home kind of look a little to the future and say, what do we get to do when I grow up?
What does my fifties look like? My sixties look like when I really get to be able to choose time to myself? And I thought, you know, I've been doing this often on my whole life. For friends and friends and friends and, and I thought, let's be a big girl and, and really do this and pay taxes and have a business and, and really take this seriously because I so believe in what I do.
I thought, well, it's just time to kick it up a notch. So I like it a lot and I want to make sure we say like homeschooling kids is a full time job. That is so much. I looked into doing that in the past for a little bit and it lasted like two days with my kids. But I have friends who homeschool too and I know that it is so much planning and so much time and then you're also making sure that you cover All the activities outside of the house.
Shannon Russell: And so I applaud you for doing that for so, so long. And, and then I can't [00:04:00] imagine what it felt like when you said, Ooh, I really do have this time to myself. Like, what was your first thought about what you would do if you did want to start a business? What was your first thought about what you could do for you?
Monika Nielsen: Well, before. Our surprise before our 3rd Lauren was 8 and we were in a ton of health challenges and, and it was really frustrated by the fact that everything outside of the boundaries just costs. A million dollars. I mean, let's just face it, right? Any sort of alternative pathways to health.
And I thought, what happens to the people that, that can't afford this, that are really, really sick? So, there were a couple of years I thought, you know what? I'm going to go back to school. And I'm going to go into nutrition and I'm going to figure out this functional medicine thing. It was more ministry minded than business minded for sure.
And then we were surprised with Ian. And. And we said, okay, well, we've just signed on for a whole nother generation of Children [00:05:00] and so that just went to the back burner. And then, and then I kind of had this crisis of I've always been an insanely good shopper. I'm very efficient. I can look, I can stand at the front of a store and I can just glance and know.
If we're in or we're out so my friends have always dragged me shopping with these quests like oh, can we do this? Can we do this and I need something that makes me feel like this or I have to show up like that So I I know firsthand the power of clothing and how we can have it do the heavy lifting You know, especially when we're not feeling it when we're a little bit sick.
We're like, what can I wear today? To show up in the way that I need to show up and make the impact that I need to. So I always knew that that was really important. And then I hit this like 40s health situation and it just. And then I had this breakdown of sitting in my closet surrounded by beautiful things that I couldn't wear.
And it was never about the clothes, it was always about [00:06:00] me. Like we always turn it on ourselves. I've yet to meet a woman that holds that motivation jean, right? That pair of jeans from 15 pounds ago and says, this is motivating me to do it. We always turn it back and say, why didn't I get to the gym? Why did I have cocktails with my friends last night?
Always our fault. And as I'm having this crisis. This breakdown. I thought it is just a piece of cloth. Like what am I doing? I know better than this and that's when I knew that there was that deeper level and that's when I knew being the closet therapist was was really going to make huge impacts because we're really going to pull apart this this self image and like all of this gunk that we've layered on and Realize it's just a piece.
Monika Nielsen: It's just a piece of cloth. Let's use it for good and and that I think was where I said, you know what this is where I can help people one person at a time or when I'm speaking 20 people at a time [00:07:00] just to release some of that guilt to give permission to evolve and it's all going to be okay.
Speaker 3: It's just a piece of cloth like that is a mindset shift that we all need to take with us into our closets because especially in midlife when we get to this point where we had all these beautiful clothes in our twenties and now we're like, well, I don't really need to wear them or they don't fit.
And what, how does that reflect upon me? That's so interesting. And so you created this business as a style closet coach, closet therapist, were you your first client? Did you work on your closet and yourself first? Or how did you go out and say, I can help someone else with this?
Where did it really begin?
Monika Nielsen: Well, it was that breakdown. And then I felt immediately, I looked at all the people I'd helped in my thirties, just organize and shop and like, Oh I'm glad we were on the same page, because I was a little bit [00:08:00] gruffer, a little bit rougher, and you know, it was, it was a little bit more slash and burn, like, get it out, get it out, get it out, and, and now being 54, and, and realizing, I love wisdom, I love, I love my 50s, I'm, I just need everybody to know that your 50s are amazing you're so much smarter, and so much kinder, and so much more compassionate.
But you know, it, it is really peeling apart this my clients stand in the closet every morning and look at clothes for life. They don't live or a body they might not be happy with. And that could be both sides. Lovely client I had had gorgeous clothes Left, you know white to dark everything in bins, it was folded beautifully and she still hated getting dressed every morning because she kept looking for all these clothes and saying, I've got two toddlers under five and I don't have anything to go to the park and get grubby hands and peanut butter hands all over me.
, she's like, I still want to be this girl that, you know, goes to the office and does the brunches [00:09:00] and things like that. And so there's a grieving that happens with that when your life. drastically changes. So it could be that side or it could be, you know, the, the fit or again, that motivation that we talked about or, or simply figuring out a lot of the guilt comes to from people who shop too much because shopping is like anything else.
And I admit it, we went through a revenge shopping phase in our marriage. Every time I would get mad and my husband and I would, you know, bicker about something, I'd go to the mall. Because it's a quick dopamine hit, you buy something pretty, and then you're left with A closet full of clothes for a life that you don't live and then now you've got guilt on top of that.
Like women, we're so good at guilt and I don't understand why, but I do know how to pull it apart so we can look at it objectively.
Speaker 3: So if someone hires you, then you go and you realize where they're hurting or what they need and then you go through and what do you do? I'm just curious because [00:10:00] I have a closet full of clothes and high heels and beautiful things from my TV life.
that I don't wear anymore, but I don't want to part with, do you go in and say, you know what, you can keep some and get rid of the others and donate them. How do you really work? If I were to hire you to come into my closet, how does it roll?
Monika Nielsen: Well, first I have a workbook. And you are going to go through that.
There's some homework for you to do. We're going to look at a time audit. That's where a lot of people really realize, wait, 40 percent of my time is really over here and I've got nothing to represent that. I don't believe in getting rid of memories. I don't think that your cherished items are not clutter.
Your favorite college sweatshirt is your favorite for a reason. And I would never ever tell you to throw it away. I think the minimalist. Last 10 years have really bulldozed a lot of women and I believe that we should cherish that, you know 1987 Duran Duran concert t shirt. Yes But we need to pull it out of your space and we need to fold it up [00:11:00] pretty and we need to put it up High so that every time you see you can smile But you're not tripping over it Because Shannon at the end of the day when we're standing there in the most naked like vulnerable space in our closet and we're digging and we say no no, no, no, no, no, no, so We started here.
No, no, no, no, no. And now we're all the way down at the bottom and it takes so much effort to get back to the top or get back to zero, let alone be in a space where we get to show up. So that's what we're working with. Like, let's stop saying no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's be strategic and say, you know what? Do some of those things that represented your TV life.
Can we pull them in to the life you live now? Can we separate them out? Can we, can we do that like super cute blazer with, you know, jeans and sneakers? If that's your style. You know, let's, let's start pulling these apart and realizing that you get to show up in different ways of your life and it's okay to be the best dressed person in the room.
But honestly, [00:12:00] I make no decisions. You sit and I present everything to you in your closet, and you're deciding, based on the homework that you've done, what's the most important to you. So if there's a next goal, I'm not your boss, I'm not your mom, I'm not your trainer.
If there's a next goal, that's amazing. We're going to put it underneath the bed or down the hall or in a bin, because again, you can't keep looking at things that you can't wear and have it not affect you. So we pull that out. And now all of a sudden you've got a little bit more room to breathe. And then you can look at things a little more objectively and say, you know what, that actually would look good.
Okay, let's start playing geranimals. Let's start saying this can go with this and this and this and this. So then we get to have more fun with style and really give you permission to show up in all the different ways that you need to in the world. Just a simple question.
And you're like, well, it's just a. First tier just in case because I do like that. I do like a good first tier just in case this is like a Third or fourth tier just in case that means we're never going to wear it. Right? Guess [00:13:00] what? There are local organizations in your community that will do huge things with your donations So we can give it to dress for success and they can impact another woman getting into the workforce So I'll take those with me and donate on your behalf and then just send you the receipts So then everybody wins you get it out of your space.
It literally changes the life of someone in your community at either free or very low cost. And You know, there's no wastefulness. I mean, it literally is a win win situation
Speaker 3: for everyone. Like really just, I can imagine your clients feeling just so free and lifted and maybe more clear or more excited for tomorrow to pick out what they're going to wear, even if it is just going to the park or in line for school pickup, right?
It's just feeling better about themselves. And you must feel so good knowing that you helped. And then you also helped them donate to someone in the community that can utilize those items [00:14:00] for their own success.
Monika Nielsen: Exactly. That, it's a non negotiable. There are small local places, if someone's hearing this and they never ever connect with me, I beg of you just to Google the organizations that are in your town.
Think of it, not as an errand, because I know big box donations are on every corner. This is not an errand, this is, this is a giving opportunity. And you might have to drive another 15 minutes, but it really is being able to hand your things and know that it makes an impact for someone else. And there's so many places that do it.
And I just, I would encourage. Anyone to look it up or shoot me a message and I'll do, I'll do the looking up all I'll go and Google it for you and figure out the best places, but it's just, it's this beautiful transfer of blessings like what was once your best things can be somebody else's or those shopping mistakes that we make.
When we swipe, when we add, when we thought it looked cute on her, but it doesn't look good [00:15:00] on us. When we maybe had a couple of cocktails and went to that cute shop and bought that jacket that was too expensive. You know, those things just are so heavy.
Yeah. And, and they really could be used for good. So,
Speaker 3: I love that so much. And can you help women, not only in your area, but across the country as well? Like, how do you work in person, virtual?
Monika Nielsen: Yes, both. In person is obviously, you know, the biggest bang for your buck because we can get things done in the next, in two to four hours.
The biggest volume closets. I very rarely go to a six hours, but I do have a way to work virtually. I can work via zoom. I also have for those who want to roll up their sleeves and really dig into some of the mindset behind it. I have a DIY series and that is amazing because we have closet personalities.
Monika Nielsen: I've realized, and I have a quiz where you can have one of four of these closet personalities and it's through that lens that you shop the way you [00:16:00] shop, purge the way you purge, and we really dig in and instead of just grabbing this Random list off the internet and then going through your closet and following the list and then you wonder why you're in the same place in six months.
We figure out, are you a frustrated seeker? Are you always looking for the next thing to make it all better? Are you an overwhelmed accumulator? Do you keep it all for that just in case? There's a style evolver. I think that's a huge one that people miss is, again, the guilt. Shannon, I don't understand, but we, we will evolve in all these areas of our life and, and our closet is the last one.
Because we find it wasteful. Well, it still fits, or it still works. But it just doesn't feel like us. We've, we've grown in all these areas. And it's like putting today us in five years ago clothes. Sometimes there's a disconnect. It just doesn't feel like us anymore. So. This five week series will, will help you in all of it through the lens of your closet [00:17:00] personality, and then I'm available, you know, to chat and kind of walk you through some things, but it's, it's rich, it's meaty, it's deep, and it is for the people who say, you know what, today's the day.
I'm going to get this sorted out.
Speaker 3: Well, a lot of my listeners. Maybe listening now saying, you know what, my past career, my first act doesn't fit up with my second act like mine and probably like yours being a homeschool mom. And now you're out and about as this business woman. And what do I do with those clothes?
And now you're giving them a solution. What do you want to keep? What do you want to donate to dress for success or any other valuable organization? And do you suggest that for someone who's thinking about changing careers to really also not only look about, look at what they want to do, but at their closet and how they want to show up in this new act of theirs.
It really is like you're changing your personality in a sense when you take on this second act role.
Monika Nielsen: It is, and how [00:18:00] exciting.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Monika Nielsen: Like, what a time to be alive, right? You get to, you get to kind of reinvent yourself a little bit. I think that there's a, a tension between our second acts of being really, really scared.
Right. To jump into something new and really, really exciting. And, and we can do that with our wardrobe as well. We can be a little bit nervous. I just had a client yesterday. She said, if I got rid of everything, I'd have like six pieces left. I'm like, well, maybe not. And we went through everything and honestly, she probably only needs three or four pieces to complete her wardrobe.
It was just the more you say no, the more you say, forget it. Yeah. I have nothing. I want to get rid of it all. But in the work we do together or in that five week series, you're really going to dig down into why don't I like this? Is this a cut, a color, a shape, a fabric, whatever it is. And then you're going to think.
Oh, now I know not to buy it again. So we become much better shoppers, saving you a ton of [00:19:00] money, and the waste of just the whole environmental issue with, with the textile industry. But you get to start curating a wardrobe for the person you want to be. It's exciting because when we're little, it's usually dictated by our parents.
And then, you know, when we're kind of younger or married, it's dictated by, you know, income and circumstances. But we just aren't ever able to develop the skill to figure out how to curate something just for us. And I find in second acts, and I'm sure you do too, talking to people all the time is this freedom of.
Who do I want to be and how do I want to show up in the world? This is so exciting.
Speaker 3: It is exciting, it's not about when you start a second act actually getting rid of your entire wardrobe. It really can be about Saying what am I going to wear? And making it smaller and more complete like you said getting those extra couple pieces to really complete that wardrobe because when you're younger You're buying things for weddings and this and that and this job interview in that [00:20:00] job interview and now you're a little bit more settled in your second act or in midlife and you can say I don't need all of that.
I need something for weekends, weekdays, the occasional, you know, night out. And maybe you just pare everything down and make it really intentional.
Monika Nielsen: Or if you're a shopper and a lover of fashion, like I could never handle a capsule wardrobe because I like color and I like pattern and I like little fun details.
And but just giving yourself permission to say, okay, I need to show up to speak and I need to look this way. Because I understand the psychology of image and how people perceive you. But I'm also going to look this way when I go out on a date with my husband, I'm going to be a little sexy. I'm going to be a little flirty.
I'm going to be this. I'm going to show up this way when I'm out with my girlfriends and I'm going to show up this way when I'm lounging around, you know I think the last three or four clients I've had, it's funny, they don't have this wardrobe for like just this. Part of life that we live where like, [00:21:00] well, I have to garden and I have, you know, I'm washing the car and I'm doing, you know, or it's been freezing for eight days straight and I haven't left the house, you know, we've forgotten this because we've gone off that general list on the internet and we've, we've just chucked it all because it doesn't spark joy, which I didn't mean to sound so sarcastic, but you know, like there's a life we live that is just like, I just, I need my big grandpa cozy sweater, and I know it's ratty, and I'm going to wear it because it makes me feel good.
Yes. Right? So, all these different parts of us, we get to show up differently. Some people do work really well within boundaries, and so we try to be as intentional as we can, but I'm also not here to change, like, who you are at your core, and if you're creative and fun and want to do all of these different things, let's still be intentional.
Because I do have a very strong frugal streak inside of me. But, but we can also do a lot of crisscross applesauce as we [00:22:00] used to say with our kids, right? We can go a little over here and a little over here and we can really create something that's beautiful.
Speaker 3: What a business you've created.
It just sounds so fun. How does it compare to all of those years you spent homeschooling? Did you ever think that one day you would create your own business?
Monika Nielsen: No, not at all. Like I said, I've done this for most of my life just for friends or family or neighbors. And I mean, quite frankly, I thought who, who would, who would hire me?
Who would, you know, do people do that? Is this a thing? And then you, you know, you Google it and guess what? It is a thing. And, and it's not just for when, I think 15, 20 years ago, people would hear personal stylist and you're like, Oh, to the stars or, you know, to this level of income that maybe I'm not a part of, but really what it is, is you will save so much time and money.
And wastefulness, which I think we all have in the back of our head about getting rid of things. You will save it [00:23:00] all by just getting the clarity you need to curate this wardrobe that you love. And so suddenly it becomes not this outrageous expense, it's just a really small investment for you to be able to show up in all the ways that you need to.
But I was a little around the horn, but to answer your question, no, I never thought that I would do that. And I struggled the first year because I just wanted to bring you coffee and sit on your closet floor. And like, we could just sit and talk about, you know, what was frustrating you the most. And now, you know, I have to figure out taxes and oh my gosh, social media sham was a joke.
I had never been on Instagram before in my life until 2020. And I'm holding up the phone going. I'm asking a friend. What button do you push to do away?
Speaker 3: It's all that administrative part of being a small business owner that just really drags you down. Sometimes
Monika Nielsen: it does. It really doesn't.
I have been telling my kids we do hard things for 22 [00:24:00] years, right? You don't like Latin? I hear you. We do hard things. We do hard things. Now it's time for me to listen to myself. Guess what? I can put on my big girl pants and we do hard things.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
And then
Monika Nielsen: really, it's not that hard.
Speaker 3: No, and then you're proud of yourself, starting over is, is a huge step and then a huge accomplishment on top of it. And I'd love as we wrap up to ask you, so you started a second act and it's successful and you seem just so happy and joyful.
What would your advice be to someone who's listening to this and they're thinking about taking that leap into a second act themselves?
Monika Nielsen: This is my favorite question that you ask of your guests. I loved hearing all the answers. I think the best advice that was given to me, and I have said it ever since, is do it often, do it messy, just do it.
And this was around, you know, marketing and things like that, you know, you're so scared to do something new just, just do it messy and do it often. And then it'd be easy, you know, with our kids again, I pull back from these [00:25:00] two decades of how did we parent, you know, give, give really wide guardrails so you can bounce around and get hurt.
And you're still sort of. under the protection of, of your family and your home. So why am I so afraid to go out and bounce around and make mistakes? Nobody cares, you know, nobody's paying attention. I was just counseling a gal that I had met and she was brand new. I said, just make 10 really awful posts because People very rarely scroll and if they're deep diving, then they already love you and then it becomes endearing.
That's great advice. Yes. So every day for 10 days, just put something out there. Just put it out, put it out, put it out. And then all of a sudden you'll get better and you'll figure it out. And just failure is not really as big of a deal as we think. I think that it is,
Speaker 3: especially at this part in our lives, I think, you know, we've been through the hard stuff, we've done it [00:26:00] all, so now we can look at it like, let's just take that leap, and we'll get through it, and if it's a little uncomfortable, all the better, we'll have accomplished it, and we'll have completed that challenge, and No harm, no foul.
Monika Nielsen: Well, and find someone that you can call. That, I think, would be my second advice. Find a person. Find your people, for sure. But find a person. I think this was huge when we first started homeschooling because you had 155 million questions and you thought you were going to screw up your kid and you were scared to death and you had someone have you heard that expression when you walk through a minefield and follow someone?
I read that in a book like 20 years ago and I thought that's brilliant. So I found a person and I just would call her and she was lovely and she became our mentor for years because they were just that much ahead of us. And every time I would get wrapped around the axle, I would call her and you know, she would say, go outside and play like, no, this is really hard.
This is a character. She's like. [00:27:00] Oh my gosh, go outside and play. And I've realized in business when I get all wrapped around the axle, I'm like, I either, luckily it's such an ingrained habit, but if, if I need to call someone, I will. And they can tell me this is not that deep. Calm down, or just go outside and play.
Speaker 3: Go outside and play, yes.
Monika Nielsen: It solves pretty much all the world's problems.
Speaker 3: I think that is the best advice I think we've ever heard on this show because I think you're right. It's, I always say like just close the laptop and walk away, but I love that. Go outside and play. Then your mind will start thinking about something else, the issues, the feelings, the fear just goes away and you realize that it's not a big deal.
Monika Nielsen: there's very little that, that is a big deal. And if it is, then it is, right? Then we draw those lessons and we move on and it stings maybe a little bit, but if we erased all of our mistakes, like we wouldn't, we wouldn't be here if we wouldn't be who we are. So. [00:28:00] I don't know. Easier said than done.
I think I'm on the other side of some mistakes, so it's a little bit easier to look back, but it's, it does. Just go outside and play.
Speaker 3: Go outside and play. Ah, Monika, I love this and I love this conversation. If my listeners want to connect with you, which I'm sure they will, where are all the places?
Monika Nielsen: I play mostly on Instagram,
that's @styleclosetcoach. And then a little bit on LinkedIn, but really every, most of my content is there. There's the link to my quiz. So if you want to find your closet personality quiz and then of course website is styleclosetcoach. com as well. So, yep, it's pretty easy to find me.
My DMs are always open. I get all kinds of fun questions like, what do I do with these pants? To, what do you think of these shoe holders? To, I can't take it anymore, you know, what's next?
Speaker 3: Fantastic. I love your Instagram. I really think you have some great content on there and I'll link to the quiz. I'll link to everything in the show [00:29:00] notes so everyone can easily find you and connect.
And thank you so much for being here and sharing your story. It's been so lovely to chat with you.
Monika Nielsen: Oh, what a gift. Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to do this. And I love your podcast. I love hearing all of the different people and where they come from. It's just the stories, right? That you can see yourself in different things.
And then of course, the advice you give is just chef's kiss. Brilliant. So thank you for having me.
Thank you, Monika, so much.
Thank you for joining us. I hope you found some gems of inspiration and some takeaways to help you on your path to second act, success. To view show notes from this episode, visit second act success.co. Before you go, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss a single episode. Reviews only take a few moments and they really do mean so much.
Thank you again for listening. I'm Shannon Russell. And this is second act [00:30:00] success.