Your Husband Hates His Job – How to Change Careers Without the Guilt

Transcription:
Second Act Success Podcast
Season 1 - Your Husband Hates His Job - How to Change Careers Without the Guilt | #240
Episode - #240
Host: Shannon Russell
Transcription (*created by Descript and may not be perfectly accurate)

[00:00:00] So many women ask me, how can I pursue my dream when my partner is unhappy in their job and won't make a change?
This episode is all about why it's okay to change, even if your partner won't.
Hey there, my friend. Welcome back to the second Act Success podcast.
I'm Shannon Russell, business coach. and Author of Start Your Second Act Now. My mission is to help women step into a life and a career or a business that truly lights them up. let me ask you, have you ever felt guilty for wanting to change your career when your partner is unhappy in theirs, but refuses to do anything about it? And Today we're gonna talk about something that I see happen quite often with my clients, and honestly, even with my friends.
maybe you felt this too, You want to leave your job and start a business, you're ready for change. But your partner, they're miserable at their job yet they refuse to [00:01:00] make a move, and then that leaves you stuck in guilt, asking yourself, well, how can I change my life when they won't change theirs?
Your partner is stuck in their own unhappiness?
You can't fix your partner's career, but you can fix your own. Let's unpack this because it's more common than you think, and there are ways to move forward without the guilt.

First, I wanna talk about why that guilt shows up and here's what actually happens. You are carrying the weight of your partner's unhappiness. You feel guilty for wanting something better. When they're unwilling to take steps for themselves, you worry that they might resent you if you move forward and they stay stuck.
does any of this sound relatable to you? Well, it does to me, and as a woman who has changed careers, launched a couple of businesses, and now I help others, I know what this is like. And to be honest, we often take on the emotional responsibility of [00:02:00] everyone in our family. A lot of us do that, and there's no reason why we have to take on that emotional responsibility that really isn't ours to carry, especially in this scenario.
And I know as a woman, as a mother, we want to fix everything. We wanna fix everything for everyone before we allow ourselves to grow. But here's the truth, the hard cold truth is that you can't fix someone else's career path. You can't help someone to create a business and better their life. You can only fix your own.
Let's talk about the fix myself mentality. I once had a client say to me, well, I can't fix him, so I'll just fix myself. And while that sounds heavy, it's actually kind of empowering because you know what? It's real. You can't fix anyone else. You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed.
if there's someone who wants to wallow in their situation or be [00:03:00] unhappy with the life or their career that they have around them, then that's their power to do so.
And maybe they will change at a different point in time, a different point in their life. But why should you have to wait for that? You are the only person who can control you. So when you choose to grow and you choose to pivot, you choose to pursue this business venture.
You're actually modeling what's possible. You're modeling that for your kids. If you are a parent, they are looking at you to see what you're doing, what your role is, what your career is, what business you're building, and how that's affecting the rest of your day and your life. So if you're at a miserable job and you come home and you're miserable at home.
Your kids are seeing that, they're feeling that. And so when you choose to grow and better yourself and put yourself in a better situation, you are showing to your children and your friends and those around you that it is possible that [00:04:00] you can do it if you want to. What you're doing is really showing your partner.
You're showing your family, your kids, that change is always available to you. Even if it's scary and change is scary, it's not an overnight success no one is, but it's taking those steps in a safe, strategic way to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. And we talk about that a lot on this podcast, but it's true.
It does take steps, several steps, planning, research, all of that but that's how you fix yourself. That's how you take care of yourself. That's how you build yourself into the next evolution of you. Sometimes your growth becomes that spark that can inspire others.
This is why I started the second Act Success podcast almost four years ago now. I did it so that you. Listeners can actually hear success stories from other people who have made a career shift, who have launched a successful [00:05:00] business, to say, well, if that person can do it, then I can do it too.
There's a lot of power in that, and there's a lot of motivation and energy behind hearing that someone else can do something. Let's talk about comparison, right? We all compare ourselves to people we see on social media. We know we shouldn't, but this is a comparison that I can stand behind because if you are lingering in that, oh, should I, should I not phase, which a lot of people are before they take that leap, then by seeing it modeled by other people that wow, she actually was able to make a strategic plan and leave her job and launch a business that fulfills her.
Well, if she can do it, I can do it. That's great modeling. So think about that when you're thinking about, you know, the guilt you might have. If you can get past that and you can start thinking about that as a spark that can inspire your partner, inspire others, then maybe that will drive you to keep going and move forward and take care of yourself in this [00:06:00] stage of life.
Alright. Now you're probably thinking great. That all sounds wonderful, Shannon. But what about the guilt? How can I overcome the guilt? Because guilt can literally eat away at us. Cause such stress and, sickness and overwhelm and all of that. So how can we move forward in the way that we want to without feeling that overwhelming guilt?
As someone who's been there, let me share a few steps that I recommend to my clients that maybe will help you as well. . Step one in overcoming the Guilt is separate your journeys. You are on your path. Your husband, your partner, he's on his, your partner's career is theirs.
Your career is yours. Keep going down your path. They don't have to be the exact same journey. Both matter, but they don't have to move in sync. It's okay if you're on a different path at different times. Your family, your life, your [00:07:00] relationship can be on that path. But your career, your business venture, that can be a separate path.
And as long as you are happy with the path that you are walking, then let your partner walk down his or hers.
Step number two is communicate and communicate with compassion. Know what you're walking into when you're having this conversation, because if you're feeling that guilt, there must have been something to make you feel that way. Some past conversations, some eye rolls, some uncomfortableness, and now you know what you're walking into and you can walk into it to communicate openly, but with that compassion and that feeling.
I say, talk openly with your partner. Share why you want to make this change, why you're going down this path, and make it clear that your decision isn't about leaving him or her behind. It's about you creating a better future for you both. Because if you are happy [00:08:00] and you are thriving, that really does affect the rest of your family and your relationship and your health and just all of it.
It's a domino effect. if you can explain your why and explain that this decision isn't something you're just leaping into that you've thought about, you've researched, you've really dove into how this can help you. Then you're explaining yourself and you are making your case.
Not that you need to do that, but by doing that, you're putting it out there and you're communicating openly, which hopefully will help. Okay. Step number three is let's reframe that guilt. Instead of thinking, oh, it's unfair if I move forward and they don't, how can I leave him behind? . Maybe reframe that thought as I'm making a change so our family has more joy. More opportunities, more freedom, more possibility.
For me, I decided to leave my really hectic career so that I could be more present with the kids. And honestly, if I [00:09:00] didn't, we would've had to hire a nanny or an AU pair, someone to really. Raise them because my husband and I were working such long hours, and so by me making this change, I tried to explain that this is for our family.
I will be there at pick up and drop off, and I will be there to be present for them.
Number four, focus on what you can control. You can't control everything and you can't force them to take action, but you can control your choices, your behaviors, your mindset, and the way you show up every day.
Step number five, give yourself permission. At the end of the day, you deserve to pursue what will fill you up. Even if you don't have the support you want, your happiness matters and your growth matters. So remind yourself of that and give yourself permission.
Next, let's talk about the big mindset shift. The way I think about it is it's not [00:10:00] selfish to want to change it's self-leadership, right? It's you deciding to take charge of your situation and make it better.
by leading yourself first, you're opening that door again for others to follow. even if your husband or your partner never makes a change, you've created that second act that gives you that energy and you that purpose
and hopefully that ripple effect, that domino effect will touch the lives of everyone else in your family, including your relationship, by shifting your mind and reframing once again, it's not selfish. It's you leading and taking care of you
Now if you're in this exact spot, craving that change, but you're stuck in guilt, I'd love to help you. In my coaching program, I work with women to untangle these feelings to clarify their vision and to build that step-by-step plan to move forward with that confidence.
A lot of it is dealing with these obstacles [00:11:00] in our way, because a lot of the women that I work with are moms or they're women who have other obligations. Quite a few of my clients are still working full time and they're building their business on the side, and that's just extra stress. That's extra time. So we deal a lot with how to come up with a plan to move forward and get this business off the ground in a way that really serves you.
It's customized, it's personalized. So if you feel like you just need someone who gets it, I'm raising my hand because trust me, I've been where you are. And to be honest, I still deal with it all the time . I've learned to not internalize it, but to say, no, I'm doing this for me, for my kids, for our future.
And I am happy as a business owner. I'm happy as an author. I'm happy with everything I've built for myself and I've kind of learned to tune other things out and so I try to really. Take that with me into my coaching calls to help my clients because, it takes [00:12:00] some time. It's not okay, great, we reframe and now everything's better.
But I want you to know that someone else is here on the other side of the mic who gets it. And you can book a free strategy call if you want to talk, if you wanna talk about your plan, your situation.
, I will link to that in the show notes below, or you can go to second act success.co/strategy. We can chat for 30 minutes about how you can move forward in your situation and get where you want to go.
So my friend here is your reminder as we wrap things up. You don't need permission to change your life from anyone. Point blank. You can't fix your partner's unhappiness, but you can fix your own and in doing so, you just might create that spark that changes everything for those around you.
I hope this episode has given you that pep talk that you need, and until next time, keep producing your best life. I'll talk to you soon.
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